Ana Clavell

Between Then and Next

September 24, 2020
, 4:01 pm
, Blog, Conflict resolution, Healing and Health

Finding your happy is a key step in keeping stress-free.

The endless cycling between the past and the future – the then and next- is typically an exhausting, even destructive trait we all share. And it happens constantly and relentlessly. The further we are from catching on to this constant chatter in our heads the more likely we are to say it must also happen silently, since we aren’t even aware of it! And yet, ironically, that din happening right here, right now (even as you read this) is so loud once it comes into focus we just have to wonder how do we get anything done.

We’ve come to think of this as our inner narrative, our point of reference for the world around us. It’s our basis for constant judgement of anything that happens, and cataloging it as “good” or “bad” – it tends to be many layers more complicated but essentially that’s what it boils down to: like and don’t like, and the justification for either based on “I am this” or “I am that”.

So how is it that something that started clearly as way to keep us safe and away from trouble has become the main source of what troubles us?

Because although we originally use it to give us perspective, it soon starts dictating what that very perspective needs to be, and it does so by delving into the past and jumping to the future, carefully skirting what’s right in front of our eyes. We let this narrative validate all we do, all decisions, how we feel, why we believe. We become so used to it that we define ourselves by this running commentary of our every action, thought and feeling. And it wears us down to our very bones.

I am not talking about making a timely connection to a past event that might keep us safe from harm, such as not touching a hot iron, nor about tracking future tasks when you need to catch a plane. I’m talking about the background noise that is constantly running in your head that might go something like this:

“Did she just write that this is going on in my head? Well! Not in my head, it’s in her head, whatever her name is, she’s just projecting like aunt Elsie says I do, her big thighs, I am not getting her big thighs, she says that I will, runs in the family, mine are not that big, they are better than Michelle’s, she is thinner but look at her face, she’s aging bad, I got some of those wrinkles but only because I laugh so hard, I’m a laugher, I make people happy, that’s why I was voted Miss Popular in second grade, maybe I should not laugh so hard, I show too much teeth, makes me look stupid all those teeth, like horse’s teeth Dad used to say, they’ll fall off one day like Grandma’s, I don’t floss after eating sugar, have to stop eating those mini glazed donuts, my thighs!…”

And it goes on and on. If you stop reading right now, where is your narrative? Go ahead, check it out.

Exactly. There’s a lot of “I am this” or “I am that”, bouncing back and forth between past events and future events.

For those of us who become keenly aware that we do this we are encouraged to change our inner narrative to one filled with only positive terms, from how we speak to ourselves about ourselves to how we regard any situation. So as an example let’s change the narrative above, see how that one might look like:

“Did she just write that this is going on in my head? Not in my head, it’s in her head, no, hang on, it is in my head too, I thought the writer was just projecting like aunt Elsie says I do, I don’t agree with Elsie but I do listen, her big thighs concern me, I might be getting her big thighs, she says that I will, runs in the family, mine are not that big, so what if they do get big? does it really matter? if it does then squats are good, very good for it, in fact, I read they can reduce thighs, so that’s a plan right there, I know mine are as good as Michelle’s, hers are skinnier but honestly I am thankful I have thighs and legs and feet that help me walk around…” You catch the drift.

In this process we learn to auto-correct, to question the motive/intention/origin behind every judgmental word used in the narrative, and it helps us to wrangle free from the noxious endless spewing of frustrations and fears.

The "I am this" and "I am that" become conscious statements designed to get us in a positive state of mind and take us away from entitlement and negative statements about ourselves. And it works.

But, in order to be able to facilitate Reconnective Healing and the Personal Reconnection, we practitioners enter into a state where there is no inner narrative whatsoever. There’s no running commentary that contains judgmental thoughts or emotions of any kind. Admittedly this is not an easy task, as turning off the voice-over can be a gargantuan process – the ego will not disengage or relinquish “power” willingly. As we practitioners start a healing session we enter into a state of awareness that completely stops the “then and next”, the “I am this” in our heads, and roots us in the now, in being fully present with the person receiving the healing. Although this is a skill developed through practice and vigilance (and in my case, after receiving the Personal Reconnection) it can be learned by all, as long as we are willing to trust that we have no need for a personal narrative. It is by trusting that the “right here right now” is the only true place where real change and true happiness can happen that gives us the tremendous freedom to act in full consciousness, no longer tied to the back and forth created by old, outlived conditioning.

That sense of freedom is so powerful, so joyful, that I now let the non-narrative state be in charge outside my practice as well, and I can fully see how things that used to trigger in me all sort of contradictory reactions bear no weight in my day-to-day anymore. Being in the present, always at point zero, has brought back the clarity I hadn’t even realized I’d lost